Prep 2 Go: Taking Care of your Kids- your Babysitter matters

When my husband and I need to go on a missions trip without the kids, it becomes a mission of planning for two trips! There is the preparing and packing for our actual trip and then there is the preparing and planning for my kids' stay at home trip too. "Mission T2* is a GO." 

*Trip times two

This might sound overwhelming, but it is actually a great opportunity to to engage, learn, and have a lot of 'out of the normal routine' fun. The key is to allow yourself enough time to do everything.

I try to set aside the last month prior to traveling for final planning and preparation. There is little that one can do six+ months ahead of time, but the last month should be reserved for preparing (first two weeks) and spending time together (last two weeks). 

There is one huge thing that you can do 6+ months ahead: once you know, or are considering going on a trip without your children, it is best to ask your guardian as soon as possible. It can be highly stressful if you haven't yet gotten someone to look after your kids and you are leaving in a week's time! (Trust me, I know. Been there, done that.)

Arranging a Guardian/Babysitters

I have had to rely mostly on friends to look after our kids because my parents live abroad (they have looked after the kids a few times, though) and my husband's parents work full time (his sister, not yet married, have helped us a few times too). 

1. Being a Guardian is a Privilege

My husband and I have had our fair share of looking after pastors kids. It is a way to serve our leaders and we have been grateful for the opportunity to help. When we look after someone else's kids who are on God's mission, then we too, are part of that mission and we share in the fruit, blessing and the inheritance of it! In a way, it is also sowing into our own future. If you cannot go on the missions trip, then serve those going (by offering to babysit or bake some cookies for the road trip, or surprise the kids with a goody bag while mom and dad is away)! 

In 1 Samuel 30, it tells the story of David pursuing a band (of nasty Amalekites) that raided his people and took their wives and children. He had 600 men with him but some could not continue the journey because they were too tired, and so some of men remained with the stuff that they could no longer carry, while the rest continued with the pursuit. When the 400 men returned, having recaptured more than just their belongings, the extra spoil was shared equally among all 600. David made it a law. 1Sa 30:24  For as his share is who goes down into the battle, so shall his share be who stays by the baggage. They shall share alike." 

Not that our kids are baggage :) Rather, they are the most precious belongings of those going, who have to leave them behind and trust someone else to guard them. 

Both those going and those guarding share equally in the eternal reward. 

As a pastor's wife, this is probably the single greatest help that can be offered. And I have been fortunate and grateful for friends who understood this and who lovingly looked after our kids.

2. Trusting God for the right Guardian

I have a responsibility toward my children to protect and provide for them as a representative of Christ. There is no way I can just allow anyone to look after my kids! But sometimes, even a reliable person can be the wrong person for our kids.  A sweet young couple whom I know personally, had employed an apparently reliable nanny, who they soon realized, through the Holy Spirit's nudging, was beating and shouting at their kids. They were able to rectify the situation quickly.

Saturate your petition in Prayer. 

Pray and present your suggestions of Guardians to God. Talk to your spouse about it and together, decide who you are going to ask.  But, should things not work out as expected, like with my dear sweet friends... God is bigger that any crisis. God can turn any situation around. Please do not refrain from going because of fear for your children. Trust God. And be wise in choosing a guardian.

May peace be the umpire of your heart. If you do not have peace... then rather pray some more and trust God to reveal His perfect plan to you. 


Pro 3:17  Her (Wisdom's) ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. And the fear of the Lord, is the beginning of wisdom. Don't fear man, but fear God enough to trust Him. Let Him lead you on the path of peace.

Php 4:6-7  do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Herewith some tips, some things I have learnt that might be helpful:

(These are by no means a set of rules, please. Each situation is different.)

• Try to ask a couple that has kids. Their own kids are quite a good indication of the kind (character and quality) of parents they are. In my experience, some young couples who has not yet had any children, can be overly strict or overly nice. It is extremely difficult for them to "read" when to be strict and when to let the reigns go a bit. They are great babysitters for a date night or a few days, but not for looking after kids for an entire week. [Although, we have been fortunate to have had some amazing young couples look after our kids who now all have their own adorable sweetie pies ;-) ] And likewise, I find the same with very old couples: a great Aunt and Uncle might also not be the best option. Some of our best babysitters were friends whose kids were friends with our kids. Friends with older kids are also a great option. But use caution here: older kids, especially teenage boys are going through hormonal development and as a rule of thumb, I would never let a family with a teenage son look after my daughter. (Dr. James Dobson from Focus on Family's advice. Read his book on Bringing Up Boys.) 

• Ask friends that the kids know well. If you plan on asking someone that the children do not know too well, then make sure that they get to know them well before you leave. Don't assume that because you know them well, your kids know them well too. This is one reason why it makes so much sense to be part of a Godly community aka local Church. Doing life together is essential in building lasting, deep, real relationships. We only ask friends in our Church. This helps because the kids get to see our friends most Sundays and at other gatherings, over and above them visiting us. It is also helpful because I can give the guardians a list of people who can help out and they happen to know them too since we are all in the same Church! 

• Ask friends with the same values. Because their similar behaviour will be familiar and provide security in an uncertain time. I wont ask a school friend's unsaved parents to look after my kids, no matter how great and upstanding their social standing. And might I add on this point: I am not keen on sleepover parties either. Put a bunch of kids together without adult supervision... whether in the middle of the day or middle of the night, it is a recipe for potential disaster. Why is it that we won't send our kids to a midday party where there is no adults around, but we are okay with a sleep over... where eventually, there will be no adults around as well. *blink blink*. 

3. The Asking

I hate the asking part. For me, it is very humbling to ask because I hate needing help. And so, each time, has been a real test in humility (so good for you Liezl, so good). It might be the same for you, but do not allow the fear of man and your own pride to stop you from asking for help.

The best way to ask is to ask long in advance. 

Then you allow your friends enough time to carefully consider it. And it allows them the freedom to say no without feeling they are letting you down or that they actually have no other option but to say yes (because, should they decline, you have enough time to ask someone else). 

When I phone my friend to ask, I always insist that she discuss it with her husband because their whole family will be involved, and to make it easy for her to say no, I mention that she can let me know of their final decision in a week's time via sms or whatsapp or email.  

Should you unfortunately not have the luxury of asking long in advance: just do it, all the same.

4. Preparing the Guardians: routine helps

Our kids have gone to stay with friends, and friends have come and stayed at our home to look after the kids. The most important thing to prep your guardians on is your kids' routine. 

I am a firm believer that "routine is not king" and should not rule the way we live but it should rather enhance/improve the way we live! Routine serves a greater purpose and is very helpful in making silly/small matters a "no-brainer" that need little thought (and less debate with little ones). Like brushing teeth.

Think through the changes in routine that need to happen during your time away and start implementing these a few months ahead. A silly example: I would put the kids' clothes ready for school in the evenings (just because I'm kind) but I had to get the kids to start putting their own clothes ready before they go to bed at night because I would not be there to do it for them. It is easier for older kids to help themselves, of course, so you might need to take your kids' ages into consideration. 

But there is no "easier" stage to leave your kids for a week. Each stage had its own set of challenges. If you were thinking of going once the kids are older... it does not get easier. *Surprise*

My daughter was a small baby when I left for three days to go to Malawi. I had to introduce her to formula milk before leaving. And I had to deal with three days of almost bursting milk breasts. Once back, my daughter immediately continued to breast feed and do what babies do as if I was never gone. Now, my daughter is almost 12 and the debriefing is much tougher than handing her a glass of milk and cookies.  When my kids were in pre-school, it did not matter much if they missed a week but now that they are in school, things such as exam schedules need to be taken into account. 

It is not easy to leave our kids. It will never be easy, but like I mentioned at the beginning, it is a great opportunity to learn. Kids are exposed to other personalities and have to learn to be accommodating and understanding toward people who do things differently and they get to grow in their trust of God. 

Most importantly they learn and see that their parents value God's Word and His commission to go. I LOVE this, it's not just lip service to words written in a moral book... it is Truth and applicable to our modern lives. And we live it! 

Parents learn too and we get to deepen our marriage (it's almost like a second honeymoon), deepen relationships with others (jup, can still have an uninterrupted conversation. So proud) and trust God more with our kids- we get to put our kids,  in a very visible way, in "second place". God first.  It really is a good thing to go. 

I am not advocating that you go every month or something crazy like that. For most, it might be a once in a lifetime thing. Although, once you've seen and experienced the benefit of going, I highly doubt it will only be once. *wink*

I do not always go with my husband on trips because we have realized that our kids have a limited emotional capacity for both of us to be away too often. One trip where we are both away per year is ideal, two trips a year with both parents away, is the max for us as a family.

Extra point:

I would like to mention that we went on a missions trip earlier this year as a family (you don't need to leave your kids behind. It will largely depend on finances, the purpose of the trip and the destination). 

Our kids had to skip two days of school. Taking your kids out of school for a few days is also okay. The educational experience of a missions trip to another nation will make up for the missed educational input from the teacher. But be wise in this regard. Go and discuss your plans with the Headmaster of the school, if need be. They are often very pro such excursions.

Back when I was a kid, my family went on an overseas tour and I missed almost two weeks of school. And the truth is, I can remember nothing of what I was taught that year at school, but I will never forget certain moments of our overseas trip. And I passed the year plain sailing. 

Kids are extremely capable, clever and can recover quick from missing out or mean aunties.


I hope this helps and gives you some things to think about. Enjoy the planning, it is all part of the grand adventure!