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How did your parents show their love for each other?
I clearly remember how often my dad would come home with flowers for my mom. Expensive flowers. And how excited we would be on these occasions! And there were plenty of times, that my father drove all the way to a Greek bakery in Pretoria city central to buy my mom her favorite sweet dessert: Baklava, a Greek delicacy. The Grapevine was the name of an extremely popular bakery that had the best specialty foods at the time. Sadly, its doors closed in recent years as convenience stores, selling the same product at half the price, plunked themselves almost around every corner. Anywhoos...
I have come to realize the importance of a husband showing his love to his wife through these acts of giving (and not only when it is deserved like on a birthday, but simply because he can and wants to. Everyday has the potential of being an occasion to express our love. And I do count myself fortunate that I have a husband who loves to spoil* me.)
*Side note to the husbands who might be reading this: take it from Dr. James Dobson. Be a role model for the kinds of relationships you want your kids to develop with members of the opposite sex. A boy who sees his father treat his mother with physical and verbal courtesies (which may range from opening doors for her to seeking her opinions and advice and listening to and praising her) and is taught to do likewise will be more likely to carry this behaviour and attitude into his own relationships with women. Focus on the Family, Complete Book of Baby & Child Care. Page 553.
**On this note, I would like to highlight that it is important that we as wives do not take these kind acts for granted or have it as an expectation. Never compare your husband with another. Always be thankful. And yes, my husband did not turn into a great gift buyer overnight. *smile* It happens through the years...
As wives, in return, we model our love through our response: respectful and loving and joyous and THANKFUL! And our response toward our husbands are influenced by our thoughts and our willingness to continually forgive. The greatest advice I was given when we got married was to be quick to forgive. Keep short accounts. Life throws a lot of disappointments our way, and through the years, resentment and ungratefulness can quickly choke love and romance from our marriages. When we walk around with hurts and anger and unforgiveness, it is very difficult to respond kindly to any act of love our men might initiate. Keep them free. And yourself. Forgive!
And so, we too, as mothers model something to our daughters and sons.
*Side note to the husbands who might be reading this: take it from Dr. James Dobson. Be a role model for the kinds of relationships you want your kids to develop with members of the opposite sex. A boy who sees his father treat his mother with physical and verbal courtesies (which may range from opening doors for her to seeking her opinions and advice and listening to and praising her) and is taught to do likewise will be more likely to carry this behaviour and attitude into his own relationships with women. Focus on the Family, Complete Book of Baby & Child Care. Page 553.
**On this note, I would like to highlight that it is important that we as wives do not take these kind acts for granted or have it as an expectation. Never compare your husband with another. Always be thankful. And yes, my husband did not turn into a great gift buyer overnight. *smile* It happens through the years...
As wives, in return, we model our love through our response: respectful and loving and joyous and THANKFUL! And our response toward our husbands are influenced by our thoughts and our willingness to continually forgive. The greatest advice I was given when we got married was to be quick to forgive. Keep short accounts. Life throws a lot of disappointments our way, and through the years, resentment and ungratefulness can quickly choke love and romance from our marriages. When we walk around with hurts and anger and unforgiveness, it is very difficult to respond kindly to any act of love our men might initiate. Keep them free. And yourself. Forgive!
And so, we too, as mothers model something to our daughters and sons.
*** Two Extra Points To Ponder
1. It's hard for me Liezl, because I did not have a great example of how to love extravagantly.
We can learn to love without having had the greatest example, because we have the greatest teacher: the Holy Spirit!
In Philippians 1:9, Paul says: And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more...
If you need your love for your husband to abound more (*Jup, that definitely includes me!*) then we have to talk to God - have you prayed about it?
Php 1:9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment,
If we are willing to be humble, listen and make the adjustments, we will learn how to love another so that they will recognize and know that we love them deeply. Allow the Holy Spirit to teach you.
Allow the Holy Spirit to help you with the how.
Php 2:3-5 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Grow in your knowledge of how to love your man. Do you know what is important to your husband?Do you know what his interests are? When last did you spoil him, on an average day with an above average meal? Something as simple as that goes a long way to say "I love you".
2. By the way, even if our husbands do not show their love, our obedience is ultimately to God. Our response toward our husbands should ultimately be because of God's love for us.
Philippians 2 continues:
Ph 2:6 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped.
I love this scripture because it is soooo very relevant to us as wives. It says that although Jesus is equal with God, He willingly submits to God. And although we are equal with our husbands, we too, willingly and lovingly submit to their authority in accordance to scripture.
Have the same mind as Jesus. Have the same attitude as Jesus.
And therefore, responding in love is ultimately not about whether our husband did something to deserve it: if he loves me, then I will love him in the same amount. Tit for tat. No, it is NOT about loving in equal 'amounts', but about loving wholeheartedly.
The world undervalues marriage and we too, can be influenced by this Satanic worldview of marriage that propagates it is about convenience and my-commodity: If I don't get equal or more value out of it, then it's tickets. Totsiens. Goodbye. Good Riddance... And something that God created to display His beauty and for His purpose has become distorted through the devil's schemes. Satan cannot create, but he takes the things God created and corrupts it. Ultimately, the distorted view of marriage leads to the disintegration of families and society. Destruction. Death. And the Devil smiles...
Don't allow these secular thoughts to take your mind captive. Yes, captive. How do you know it's been taken captive? When you start evaluating your husband's every action. A performance appraisal on steroids. As I have mentioned before, don't keep a record of what your husband did or did not do. Rather, count him more significant than yourself.
** Perhaps you have read this and feel condemned. Your marriage is over and it was because of your or your husband's demand for equality; viewing marriage as a commodity instead of a gift.
I don't know your situation or your pain, but I do know that Jesus loves you incredibly much. He wants to journey with you through this life. He remains faithful, always. When we give our lives to Him, then our mistakes are covered by His blood. All our mistakes and sins - past, present and even those in the future - are washed away by His precious, beautiful, awe-inspiring blood. His love: the deepest richest life-like crimson colored gift. And He even uses our mistakes for our good!
