My itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini

Every woman has a little number hiding somewhere in her dresser. Sassy. Sexy. Sweet. Men have gone lyrical over women's little numbers. It has been celebrated in songs and such. For example: lady in red; itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini; locally in songs such as rooi rok bokkie and so forth.

For some women it is the perfect prom dress from their nineteen seventies dance in matric. For another it is killer heels bought on Oxford street. Yet, for another, it is a hand me down beautiful pashmina from India. Thé little number isn't just any piece of clothing. It tells stories. Its filled with memories of the past, and more importantly, it is a link to the future- the must have item for that special occasion. Just in case. But somewhere in-between, there is the present. And so it hangs between an old raincoat and a party costume for that (rainy?) day when you will definitely need it. Definitely.

My little number happen to be a bikini. (yes, Christians can wear bikinis, and yes elders' wives do occasionally wear bikinis.) Hidden right at the back of my closet in some obscure corner for the day when i will fit into it again. It is not quite a polka dot bikini. And not quite itsy bitsy. But it is quite small. Too small. After a third baby I really can't squeeze into it any more. But I am determined to... some day.

In the meantime, my motto: “avoid any public swimming” stands (except where it involves a wetsuit like with deep sea diving, DEEP sea diving). And so I sit staring at those splishing and splashing- sweating when I could've been swimming. In my aiming for perfection, I was missing out on all the fun I could be having RIGHT NOW. Isn't that often how we as believers think and act? “I have a prophetic gifting, but I'll only use it once I can speak fluent in public.” “I'd love to make a meal and bless someone, but I just can't cook as well” “I'd love to contribute at home group, but what if everyone thinks what I say is so obvious. I'll rather wait until I have more profile.” And so we sit as spectators staring wishfully as others take the plunge.

Staying in Uitenhage this past few weeks has had a significant impact on my no-bathing creed: firstly, I didn't have my not quite itsy bitsy polka dot bikini to remind me of what was or what should be. And secondly, Uitenhage is hellish hot. Not swimming when there is a pool is just short of insane! In this weather, watching by the wayside is not an option. There should be a law against people spectating: apart from dehydration, it could also lead to hazardous hallucinations, especially when water is scarce too! So, at the first opportunity, I got myself a one piece bathing suit. Black with pink stripes. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. In fact, my husband stared at me in disbelief when I bought this black little number. You see, he still thinks I can fit into my bikini (bless his soul). “Are you sure you don't want to try on another costume, hon?” “No, this will be fine, thanks.” Besides, there wasn't any other.

Have I given up on perfection? By no means! I still aspire to, one day in the near future, wear my two-piece. But for now, even in imperfection, I am proudly wearing my stripes- knowing that I will be looking back at these times, treasuring the moments we as a family had at the community pool in Uitenhage; at the beach in Port Elizabeth; on vacation with friends. Instead of loathing these moments, I love 'em. Instead of spectating, I now participate. The more i dress in my new little (larger) black number, the less conscious I become of my shortcomings. And who cares! We are so afraid of living life now because of a couple of strangers who might see our imperfections. What the heck. They probably won't be there tomorrow. They most definitely won't care in a couple of months. But you will. You will remember that you gave it your all even if your everything wasn't quite that much. You will remember having lived. Without excuse. My new motto: 'Carpe Diem.' Seize the day! Take the plunge! C'mon, "put on your best dress Darlin' for there never will be another tonight!*"

(The picture is of Arwen wearing Auntie Helen's hat at Plettenberg Bay.)

*Brian Adams song