The Unforgiven

We all have good intentions (true, right?) but life happens. Our hearts get hurt, exposed and shattered- like a knife jabbed into our inner being. Often those closest to us can really twist that knife in deep… like a husband who had an affair, a child who is ungrateful for all you’ve done, parents who deserted you, a best friend who stole your brilliant idea…

Then there is also the little offences. Those little foxes that, if left to its own device, will ruin the vineyard (fruits) in your life.

Son 2:15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom."

Offence is a doorway to unforgiveness. What is offences may you ask? It reveals itself in little ways: “she hasn’t greeted me…again”; “What, another bring and share? Don’t they know we are struggling financially?”; “She never answers my calls”; “They didn’t even send me flowers when I was sick in hospital”…

Col 3:12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
Col 3:13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

No matter how wrong the other person was (and in offences, it is often a case of thinking the other person was wrong), it does not give us the right to hold a grudge. In doing so, we are, in a way defying God’s sovereignty and His judgement, Headship in our lives. In fact, what we are saying is “God, you don’t do a good enough job, I’ll do it for you”. Harsh but true.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.

No, actually, it is more like having a cancer spread through your body, and instead of consulting the doctor, you just add another dab of base on your face… thinking you are most gorgeous although everyone is appalled by your deathly appearance. Even Alicia Keys said the following: “Unforgiving people are not sexy”

Yes, if you harbour unforgiveness, it will become your identity. E.g. If your husband cheated you, you become the one cheated upon. It becomes your crutch for getting attention and without it you are nothing and have nothing to show. Sadly true.

I know women like this… the sparkle is gone. Yes, they smile, yes, they say “amen”, they pray… they do all these things but it is as if true joy is missing from their soul. And even sadder still, they have nothing to show for their lives. Nothing. They live for themselves, they thrive on other people’s pitiful comments, they seek that which justifies how they feel and hang out with similar minded people… while their husbands; children and the Kingdom of God- that which God has for them- is sorely neglected.

Is that true life? True peace… True joy…??

You wanna know another thing about unforgiveness?

Forgiving is not a kind request, it is a COMMAND. If you do not do it, you are disobeying God!

Jas 4:17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin

What happens if I do forgive?
I show God that I love Him and fear His Words
I show God, that despite my circumstance, He rules and reigns.
He is the center of my life.

In so doing, I will experience a peace beyond human understanding. I will be liberated and not kept in bondage! I will live with hope… joy restored!

Pro 5:22 The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. Don't become ensnared, bound by your iniquity of unforgiveness...

Forgive!

You may be thinking “I’ve tried, but the pain is too real. I cannot help myself from remembering.” Sometimes, you will need to forgive over and over… and over and over. Each time is a small victory that keeps you from being ensnared. There is no excuses, you can do it.

Php 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Mat 18:21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"
Mat 18:22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Mar 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."
Mar 11:26 [But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.]

What do you do with all the emotions… the anger, frustration and helplessness? Pour out your heart before God. David did it. Don’t go to other people to “vent”, especially when all you actually want to hear is “ag shame”- that is gossip. Gossip is SIN. SIN SIN SIN!!!!! It is evil and ungodly. Go to God.

1Jn 3:8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.
1Jn 3:9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.

Forgiveness is not often easy. We all have to face it, even daily, but God knew that unforgiveness will only lead to more heartache (often, we think it is exactly this that we are avoiding by harbouring unforgiveness).

Michal loved King David… but life happened… and she became enraged and bitter in her heart towards David. (And, if you read the full account of her life, you could probably say she had all reason for being resentful- again, even when we are justified to being angry, God demands a forgiving heart)

2Sa 6:16 As the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, and she despised him in her heart.

She could’ve been a part of the world’s greatest lineage, but because of her choice to remain unforgiving, she has nothing to show for her life…

2Sa 6:23 And Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death.

Nothing.

Rather forgive, and have something… some kind of fruitful future! Joy, peace, righteousness- the Kingdom of God in the midst of your life! 